6 Keys to Success

The mind is such a powerful, powerful muscle.

I think that we're just now coming to terms with the gravity of mental health in the 21st-century. Negative self-talk is something that we as human beings have to overcome. I know for myself, it's a different journey than others. It's something that I have to constantly check and recheck. I have to tell myself, okay, is that me talking, or what is that? Negative self-talk is not healthy and it’s not constructive. It’s important to have a healthy mindset, evaluating what's important in life to you, and what you want to give thought and worry to. You can keep yourself up all night worrying about things, but what good does that do when you should be finding moments to rest? It has a trickle-down effect, to where if you're not in a good place in your head, then how can you effectively lead yourself or others well? This feeds into insecurity and can cause long terms problems in leading a successful life. When my husband was growing up and playing baseball, he had a hitting coach, that worked with him on his swing because he wanted to make better contact with the baseball. His coach told him something that I thought was profound. He told him when everything else around you speeds up, I want you to slow down. This reminds me of being still and finding time at the end of the day to be mindful.

You cannot change the circumstances around you. You can't get too high, and you can't get too low. If you think about it, that’s the game of baseball and the game of life. If you can tune out everything around you and breathe, you will be able to better control how you respond to the situations you find yourself in. Remember your situation is temporary and not permanent. I think a lot of times we allow our emotions to drive our actions. Especially in business, we have to think logically, we have to take a step back and look at all perspectives. The mind is a very powerful tool that allows you to be successful, but it's only as strong as the muscle that is continuing to be developed within you.

Relationships are key.

Unfortunately, this is something that I have to remind myself, which is a no-brainer. Everyone knows you can't do anything by yourself and that you are only as smart as those around you. If you're only focused on the win, sometimes we allow relationships to not take priority. Let's get real, who's going to champion for you if they don't know you? Who's going to be willing to hear hard conversations and situations if there isn’t rapport? Relationships are the fundamental piece to success because you cannot succeed alone. At some point, you need a different perspective and you need a different set of skills. Diversity in the workplace is important because you don't want the same opinions around one table. You need different walks of life, different baggage, and different perspectives that people bring to the table. Relationships are a two-way street. In seeking out relationships, it cannot be about what you solely get from the other person. It needs to be balanced and it has to be a genuine connection.  You have to ask yourself, what can I do to add value to this person’s life? How can I make things easier for them? You can sniff out when someone’s intentions are solely self-interested. Don’t be that person.

I think us as women, we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women in the room. The pie is big enough, get a slice, and then pass it around. Pull up another chair to the table because there is room. It's not you versus me, it's us together. I think that if we can push aside the insecurities, if we can push aside this idea that, well, her success is my failure, then we win together. Retrain yourself to think her success is my success because it's all of our success.

We are all on the same team. It takes us collectively coming together. Once you build these relationships, you'll notice that people start using the same words you use. People start buying into the ideas that you have and believe in the vision. Two months later, these people are repeating the lines back to you as if it's their initial idea. You know what, just smile and nod and say, “Yeah, it is!” Because you know what, that's influence, and that's leadership.

Carve out time for the people you love and the things that bring you joy.

Man, I need to write this one down one more time. I struggle with this and at times can be a workaholic. We have all struggled with this in different seasons of life. At times, I have valued my career over the relationships that needed to be nurtured. Sometimes you need to be reminded of your boundaries so you can spend time with those you love and make time to make memories. Let’s get real, you cannot lead others well if you are not feeling fulfilled and joyful. How are you supposed to give to others if you don't have it to give? Carve out intentional time to go walk the dog, enjoy happy hour surrounded by friends, work out or read a great book. Whatever your bag is, go do it! You are worth it and the people around you deserve the best of you. Life is short!

It’s time to show up!

I'm a big believer in taking time to travel eight hours to be at the engagement party or send a text to somebody letting them know that you're thinking about them. Showing up looks like be present at work when you feel your absolute worst, but acting as if you're at your best. There are plenty of days when I don't want to get out of bed. Showing up consistently is hard. It takes discipline to show up. I think it's the best thing that you can do is come prepared whether it's to present in front of a large group or to present in front of one person, show up with your best foot forward.

Leave places better than you found them.

I think back to my early days as a Girl Scout, and I am reminded of one of the first influential leaders in my life, my Aunt Kathy. She was my Girl Scout leader and instilled so many values in me that still resonate today. She would tell us before, during, and after our trips to leave a place better than we found it. The first time I heard this line was when we were on a camping trip. When I say camping, it wasn't roughing it. I don't rough it well. It was in a cabin in the woods with cots. The place wasn't that great, to begin with, but you better believe she had us on our hands and knees scrubbing those floors, knocking down spider webs, and scrubbing the walls. We made that place sparkle and shine. I will never forget that experience. This advice has stuck with me after all of these years.

Maybe you borrowed someone's car, make sure that you fill it up with gas before you return the car. No matter if you're leaving on great terms at work, or you're leaving on the worst terms, you can leave well, by leaving it better than you found it. The worst thing you can do is to leave a job and leave it undone and to only look back with regret. No matter what situation you find yourself in, success looks like leaving it better than you found it.

Speaking up, even when no one listens.

Speaking up and speaking truth into situations in a positive way, is not a bad thing. It's intentional. It's strong, it’s brave, and it's hard. Speaking truth into situations is the next step towards growth. If you're not looking in and asking questions to critically understand, you're never going to grow. You're never going to be able to move forward. Being a lifelong learner is the key to any success because as soon as you become complacent, you’re irrelevant. Never stop learning and asking tough questions.

In conclusion, there are many ways you can define success. I try to live by these six principles knowing that seasons change and priorities shift.  Ultimately, you have to ask yourself, how do you define success?

Below is a freebie on me to help guide you through defining success for yourself.

Keep Thriving,

SK Vaughn